Looking at the man in the mirror
My dad has told me hd eons’t like to look at the man in the mirror - too much has changed, it doesn’t fit what he thinks of himself - the guy he’d like to be. When I was a teen still living with mom and dad, he showed me a picture what he thought he was going to look like when he got older. It was a guy who looked like he was in his 70’s, completely ripped, holding a pair of dumbbells. We laughed, but there was future truth to it, too - a sort of, “I think this really is who I’m going to be” feeling. And, based on what I’d seen of my dad for my first 16 years or so, I had every reason to believe he would.
Parkinson’s derailed a lot of that, no doubt. We know how important physical activity is for those with PD and, make no mistake about, there are some super athletes with PD - like Jimmy Choi, Bill Bucklew and Alison Toepperwein to name a few. Every person with PD is different, and one of the differences my dad has faced is the exacerbation of his scoliosis. Basically, his spine is twisted, limiting a lot of what he’s like to do.
Not excuses, just given situations. He does do incredibly well with what he has been given. But looking at it is sometimes as painful as having it.
There is tremendous value, however, in having a good look in the mirror. Even more so when you look in a mirror that is another person. A foundational game in improvisation going all the way back to founder Viola Spolin is the mirror game. Two people sit across from each other. It begins with one person moving and the other moving in perfect sync with them, as if they were the reflection in the mirror. There is no talking. However, when players are focused and doing truthful work, there is fascinating communication.
I introduced this game to my dad in our first Improv to Improve PD (I2IPD) workshop in San Jose in May 2019. He told me how powerful it was for him, noting he felt like he was looking at himself - and that we were really connected.
Alan Alda wrote in his excellent book, “If I understood you would I have this look on my face?” about a great story his former director for improvisation at the Alda Center at Stony Brook, Val Lantz-Geffroh had with the mirroring game. In essence, one of the medical students used the mirroring technique he learned in her class with a patient he had to deliver difficult news to. By becoming displaying true empathy and meeting the patient where she was, the student not only gave an incredible gift to the patient, but also earned the trust needed going forward to help this patient through her treatment.
Looking in a mirror can be scary. But it can offer powerful truth - the truth of present reality. With acceptance of that truth, we can move forward and gain power over the moment. Because the past is just that - the past -there is no power or opportunity there.
written by Robert Cochrane